Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No marvel I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Massive Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her group for her whole life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives through the years. She volunteered on the Council on Growing old. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous individuals” (as she referred to as it), which she did nicely into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having recognized her my whole life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”
Luckily, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea courting again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s referred to as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how typically we do one thing or see any person, it’s the solely time that it’s going to really occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we are able to give attention to the particular person or job in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we could be right here now.
- As an alternative of going by way of the motions, we could be a bit extra deliberate with our habits.
I’ve mirrored quite a bit on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer time.
I finished worrying concerning the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat together with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I realized that she spent just a few summers residing in a tent with no operating water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their dwelling along with his personal two palms. And the way a lot she beloved it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and bought caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I realized extra about my grandfather. She even shared pictures of her marriage ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some pictures of me and her from means again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I most likely had previously 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Neighborhood
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of visitors would present as much as examine on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest pal. Her pal Anne. Pals from the Council of Growing old. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it become an absolute occasion.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life nicely lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every part to return and spend time together with her, swapping tales and maintaining her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an awesome humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me concerning the time she “borrowed” a automotive, although she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone together with her 94 12 months previous brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher right this moment?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire individuals from completely different components of her life felt like the very best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continuously moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional dwelling by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Reside Intentionally
The hospital wherein my Gramma is staying is correct subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his ebook Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the timber.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s referred to as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I needed to reside intentionally, to entrance solely the important details of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to train, and never, after I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most essential to him.
Gramma went the opposite route, prioritizing what’s most essential to her: household, associates, and group.
Two completely different situations, the identical finish outcome:
Selecting to reside intentionally.
I don’t have plans on transferring into the woods and residing merely, however I do assume I’ve achieved my finest to reside extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most essential to me too: associates, household, and group.
All Now we have to Determine…
Just a few years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we are able to get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, fairly than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
After I visited Gramma this summer time, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means bought to inform him simply how a lot I realized from him earlier than he died.
For that motive, I’m scripting this essay now to ensure she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I bought a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and she or he beloved it. Mission achieved!)
I definitely hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again dwelling. In any case, she instructed her pal Laurie “I’m not achieved but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we have now to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to reside extra intentionally:
- For those who’re keen to place your telephone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- For those who’re keen to prioritize what’s truly essential as an alternative of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go flawed with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a strategy to give attention to the essential individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And at last bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do right this moment, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: In order for you a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely advocate Wim Wenders’s Good Days.
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